Mayhem in masala mandi after Mr Mundhe’s new banOpen spices are the latest targets of the Maha FDA commissioner’s missionary zeal. Having attacked posh clubs and streetside kababi alike, he’s unpackaged his fury on masalas which sell fast when loose. Now, no dhaniya dare leave the place of its powdering without properly labelled packaging. About time too. Almost every bania’s mounds of bright yellow, red and ochre harbour additives which certainly aren’t preservatives of our health. But perennial warning against spice adulteration had proved no match against the twin prods of profit and poverty.Haldi has carcinogenic metanil yellow or poisonous lead chromate. Sudan’s name is unfairly attached to industrial dyes used to pep up chilli powder for our own use, and in spice-mixes exported to EU. Euw! Even Hong Kong and Singapore fumed over fumigant ethylene oxide they found in certain Indian brands.‘Fillers’ don’t just fake your face, and ghoospethiyas aren’t only those slipping through the border. Powdered foodstuff is plumped up with starch and chalk powder; infiltrated by sawdust and ground husk. The barfi/biryani doesn’t taste quite kesari? Blame corn silk/marigolds passed off as saffron. ‘Tick-off-ram’ Mundhe’s ban du jour includes ‘spent’ spices, those dyed and resold after their zest had faded.Naturally, the masala mandi felt both crushed and roasted.l Panicked haldi helter-skeltered jaldi.l Hing groaned, ‘I feel like an ass-a-fetid-a.’l Pounded red-chilli mixed with powdered bricks cried, ‘How mortarfying?’l Garam masala really felt the heat. Its dalchini had no bark let alone bite; the cloves were laung dead; pepper corns had a pap(aya) smear, and elaichi a cardamom arrest.l ‘Are you cumin, or should we zeera-sa wait for you?’ the spurious seed asked its comrade-in-harms.l In response, Dhaniya Singh fled, his Kauriander in tow.l But a ‘spent’ bunch of spice girls confessed, ‘Like that Congress MP’s sexist slur in 2012, we are just “dented and painted”.’l Their brethren too made a ‘dye-ing declaration’ – and gave up the gosht.***Alec Smart said: “JD dude, what’s worse, ‘indentured labour’ or slavery?”
Disclaimer: Views expressed above are the author’s own.