Bachao! A bachcha in my baingan bhartaThe latest ET Panache carried a Washington Post story, ‘Eight Rules for Eating Out With Kids’. The tips may be perfect for US, but not for us. So here are the same ones desi-fied. All drawn from my own 100% Captcha-verified not-bot experience.Practice makes perfect: Take them out more. So they know that restaurants are for bun-fights, running amok, playing hide and seek; treating banquettes like trampolines while peppering neighbouring paneer lababdar with dandruff.Choose the right place: Forget those bilayati-bandar restaurants with age limits. Hello-ji, we are family-minded society. Where we go, our ladli beti and ladlier beta go. Freedom of movement is fundamental right, no?Open communication: Specify special needs. NO highchair- vighchair. How beta-beti can follow Rule#1 if they are strapped in? You want them to fall from height and break their tender bones, or wot? WashPost article adds, ‘The restaurant may want to assign you a table that’s in a quieter area.’ No panic, bhai, that non-stop high-pitched wail is not fire alarm.Stay mindful: Of our needs. Means, parents are out for a relaxed evening, so let the bachche leave us in peace while they go disturb others. Better still, run far out in the lobby, and let waiters make sure they don’t fall into the fountain.Make an extraction plan: Why we should leave if Bunty starts throwing Trump-grade tantrum and garlic toast with equal force? If it bothers others, let them leave.Involve the kids: Arre, what I’ve been saying? All the above is for ladla-laddie’s enjoyment only.Bring low-tech entertainment: You not got kids or wot? You think ours will sit quietly with your dumb drawing book? Bunty must have his deafening karaoke video game. Noise? Wot noise? Sorry, did not hear it above the long, loud conversation I was having on my phone.Show appreciation: To the staff for spilled cokes, crumbs on the carpet, amusing my cuties with funny faces? Whhyy?? What’s service charge for??!!Bon appetit.***Alec Smart said: “You can’t make protest vanish with ‘Jantar mantar chhoo mantar’!”
Disclaimer: Views expressed above are the author’s own.